ea. Sixty-two percent! Fallenlyric edited English subtitles for If I Demetri Martin Standup Comedy] 5 years, 4 months ago. Demetri Martin. Demetri Martin: If I ... BBC Four, 25 August 2005 23.25. ♪. And ladies, the chicks didn’t get what I was about despite my performance on the math team, Whatever the reason, I spent a lot of time as a kid doing these puzzle books, and it came to shape the way I see the world. If I is a Perrier Comedy Award-winning comedy one-man show written and performed by Demetri Martin at the 2003 Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Watch it. Like swimming, For example, swimming to me, that’s a confusing sport, but then other times you do it to not die, And when I’m swimming sometimes, I don’t know which one it is, I think about drowning. We’d have a Camaro, ‘Demetri and Gina” in script on the window. Discover (and save!) here's My second watch of this special has proven to me that Demetri Martin is one of the most underrated comedians ever. You learn how to ride a unicycle. If I is a Perrier Comedy Award-winning comedy one-man show written and performed by Demetri Martin at the 2003 Edinburgh Festival Fringe. The hardest part is the first year. If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Your place for the most inspirational and funny quotes by Demetri Martin and many others. Tags. Demetri Martin's &qu… Yeah, whatever, teacher. Cool, centered, you know, like a Yogi or something. I realized, I don’t want to be some guy who has no purpose, no application. The … and I thought: “Hmm, symbolism. I level “Mad Dog”. I would have been a better student, You know what? Thanks to ocentertainment i'm able to put video 1 back up. This is the first poem in your program tonight, It’s every word off of this bottle in a different order, You don’t have to read it now, read it after the show and think of me in a bar, alone, uncomfortable, insecure, completely lost in my mind, "Why would a guy sit down with a napkin and a pen, a bottle of beer, and write “Rolling, rolling, enjoyment, taste, beer”, The answer lies in the second meaning of the word “if”, “If”, meaning “although possibly; even though”, Sample sentence: “She was an enchanting, if...", Or in my case, I spend a lot of time doing time-consuming, if completely unproductive things, By the time I got to College, I wasn’t doing puzzle books anymore, I was becoming a man, an adult. Demetri Martin has a relaxed demeanor. This is how crazy, That was the next name on the list. I’m like: “Yes! Hopefully it balances out.. Demetri Martin: If I (2004) Demetri Martin as Self. Merit me.”, It’s cool though, I know that someday I’ll meet the right lady, I’ll rearrange the letters in her name and it will make “Trim T’n’A Ride me!”, I just feel like there’s a parallel world right in front of us that’s revealed with a small shift in perspective, Like sometimes when I look at a donut, it looks like a zero, It’s like it’s saying: “This is how many of me you should eat", But then other times I see a bunch of donuts in a row and it looks like it says “oooo", Then I do, and there’s one left and it says “O", I don’t own a poncho, I don’t have a poncho, But if somebody says to me, “Do you have a poncho?”, At any moment, I am four minutes from a poncho, If you wait here, I will be back with a zarape made out of a comforter in four minutes. I piss. The show is an autobiographical examination of Martin's life, as seen through various definitions of the word "if." Time moves in one direction, memory in another. Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp, In my halo of a mired rum tin. I'm hiding this behind my notebook. He has been married to Rachael Beame since June 1, 2012. It was directed by Jay Karas and filmed at The Paramount Theatre in Austin, Texas. Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. These are the five chapters in my story tonight, Let's start at the beginning, "if" meaning "in the event that", A sample sentence always helps, let's do one, Or in my case, when I was a child, if I was uncomfortable or insecure, I would escape into my mind, I believe that every person has a lense through which they see the world. Put two ships in the open sea, without wind or tide, and, at last, they will come together. Lists that include Demetri Martin: If I. Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. Demetri Evan Martin (Greek: Δημήτριος Ευάγγελος Μάρτιν, Dimitrios Evangelos Martin; born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, director, cartoonist and musician.He was a … Tip: Highlight text to … Paul Harvey. Man, it is hot. The show is an autobiographical examination of Martin's life, as seen through various definitions of the word "if." I’ve gotta find someone being persecuted, Make the right moral choice. Demetri Martin was born on May 25, 1973 in New York City, New York, USA. Cool Car Look. Career? That I can like do something with a yo-yo? I have to admit it, cut my losses, I’m out of here”, And it was a total crisis. I don’t have time for that”, I’m going to read the dictionary all the way through. Done, checked, what’s for lunch? Evil is a deed as I live. but when you do examine life, can you go too far? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features! Great, yeah, do it up", I created the whole world. Same problem as grade school, But now, I'd found a sick way to up the ante, I found a way to give myself puzzles to solve by the end of class, Like this one. Evil is a deed as I live. It’s kind of a different building process.” ~ … Demetri Martin: If I ... BBC Four, 17 August 2004 23.00. Click here to explore more quotes from Demetri Martin. Now’s your chance, go for it", This poor girl gets called on. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) Blog Archive 2010 (13) March (3) February (3) January (7) 2009 (33) December (1) November (4) October (25) Panic! All right! All this work? where ever you start they are the same. That’s more than three out of five every week for twenty-seven weeks for half a year. edited 1+ month ago. No comments: Post a Comment . But after certain things “sort of" means everything. That makes sense, Here’s my expression or equation for how you have a successful relationship with a woman, If during the week, you talk less than she does, that means you were listening, See, that week she talked more than me. Add page description. I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. My friends and I watched your show “If I” last night, and it really struck a chord with me. Think about something starting now and go...cool, done, awesome” You got a point, Hey man, could you tie me to this chair and if I can get out in less than, you know, three hours, it would be great. A writer? Demetri Martin is a standup comedian, writer, actor and director. "Sort of." Demetri Maritn describes his time management point system and how he used it to evaluate his life So it was good.
ea. I got one point for filling out the chart! I’m in the “I”’s here, I’m in the 450’s, “invective”, “jangle”, “jape”, “intromit” Walking around, quizzing myself, When someone does this, you might call them “abecedarian”, More likely, you’re going to call them “***”, But for me, this all sprang from a growing need to feel validated in the way I did from a puzzle book as a kid, It was a way of feeling like: “Yes, I’m getting better, I’m succeeding in small increments”, But now, it moved off the page of the puzzle book and into the world at large. Demetri Martin - I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. It’s crazy. If you are unsure how best to edit this programme please take a moment to read it. I arrive and surprise. God, am I reviled? Make it a game. Both, one… my names are in it. Drunk Dangerous Persuasive. I spent half a year of my life doing this every week, You know, I look back on it and realize my intentions were good, I was trying to methodically record what a better person would be for someone like me, and what I could do every day, capturing every moment. "Sort of" is a harmless thing to say. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. Each of us in this room has unique lens. at the disco. Home. Daily self-imposed hurdles every day, you develop what I call a number of useless talents, ♪ You could be doing something productive ♪, ♪ Why, why spend so much time doing these things? We flirt a little bit. This is a bottle of Rolling Rock beer, An american beer that you might find in a bar or the linen closet of a depressed housewife, But it is more than that depending upon your lens, An artist might look at this and see something green that is lit from the front and the sides, An executive might look at it and see the centerpiece of a billboard, A guy in a fraternity might look at it and then beat up somebody gay or brown, My point is each lens is unique, because it is derived from specific experience, I'm no exception, when I was a kid I sit in class in school and had trouble paying attention. That’s what I was doing, For example, I was in this one class called criminal procedure, It was an evening course. It is the first show I'd ever seen of his and I was blown away (not literally). I think it was like a fourth amendment case or something. This is one of his first one-man shows; it is structured around the word “if.” Each segment is about a different understanding of the word. Theophrastus. Expand your vocabulary", If you want to do that, maybe you read some books, hang out with English teachers, become friends with a poet, I said: “No, no, no. I’m in it. Oh, no, And so I turn my analysis away from extraneous things, from irrelevance to time, "Can I harness it? What if I’d have paid attention in class? Martin usually uses one-liners and drawings on a large pad and accompanies his jokes with music. _J_ at 6:34 PM to read the fortune cookie, man '' s what it became, daily challenges write... Spent more time on these puzzles than any class crew including actors actresses. I found that they were too big for my fractal geometry class who did think. ‘ urinate ’ '', I don ’ t use weights realized, I ’ m going read..., centered, you haven ’ t even remember all of the titles,. Viewer: “ C ’ mon if you are, my bed on a sun, accept. Is something else entirely labels: Comedy, demitri Martin, state the facts in military! Can remember watching probably fat, `` if. 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